Making Stress Your Friend: Embracing Stress as a Path to Growth
Stress. It's a word that can make our hearts race and our palms sweat. Whether it's a looming deadline, a challenging conversation, or a never-ending to-do list, stress often feels like something we need to avoid or eliminate at all costs. But what if we’ve been thinking about stress all wrong? What if, instead of viewing stress as the enemy, we could reframe it and see it as a powerful ally?
In her enlightening TED talk How to Make Stress Your Friend, health psychologist Kelly McGonigal challenges the conventional narrative that stress is inherently harmful. Rather than encouraging us to escape stress or reduce it at any cost, McGonigal presents a groundbreaking perspective: how we view stress can change how it impacts us. By embracing stress and rethinking its role in our lives, we can turn it from a source of anxiety into a tool for growth and resilience.
Rethinking Stress: A Change in Perspective
McGonigal begins her TED talk by sharing a powerful insight from research: the way we perceive stress can have a profound impact on how it affects our health. Most of us know that stress can contribute to physical ailments like headaches, fatigue, and heart problems. But McGonigal’s research suggests that it’s not stress itself that harms us—it’s the belief that stress is bad for us.
In one study she references, participants who believed stress was harmful had a higher risk of death, while those who experienced high levels of stress but didn’t believe it was harmful were no more likely to die than those who experienced little stress at all. This revelation is transformative. It’s not the stress we experience that causes harm, but our perception of it. By changing our mindset, we can change the way stress affects us, both mentally and physically.
This concept is powerful because it gives us control. Instead of feeling overwhelmed by stress, we can choose to view it as a natural response that prepares our body and mind for action. Stress, in this sense, becomes a sign that we care about something important—whether it's our work, relationships, or personal growth.
Stress as a Tool for Connection
One of the most profound aspects of McGonigal’s TED talk is her exploration of how stress can help us connect with others. In another study she discusses, researchers found that when people experienced stress, their bodies released oxytocin, a hormone that promotes bonding and social connection. Oxytocin, sometimes called the “cuddle hormone,” not only helps us feel more connected to others but also strengthens our cardiovascular system by encouraging the heart’s blood vessels to relax and expand.
This connection between stress and social bonding offers a powerful reframe. When we experience stress, it may be our body’s way of encouraging us to reach out and connect with others. Whether it's seeking support from a friend, sharing our challenges with a coworker, or simply being vulnerable with a loved one, stress can foster relationships that make us feel more supported and understood.
In fact, McGonigal argues that stress, in this context, can actually be a tool for increasing empathy and compassion. By embracing stress as an opportunity to connect, rather than something to fight, we can transform stressful situations into opportunities for growth, understanding, and human connection.
Stress and Resilience: The Power of Embracing Challenges
Another key takeaway from McGonigal’s talk is the idea that stress can build resilience. When we view stress as a sign that we are rising to a challenge, we can tap into its potential to help us grow stronger and more capable. The physiological response to stress—such as an increased heart rate and faster breathing—isn't just a reaction to danger; it's the body preparing us for action, for facing the very challenge at hand.
McGonigal draws on research that shows people who embrace stress as a normal part of life tend to experience better outcomes when facing difficult situations. For example, when you’re facing an important presentation or a tough conversation, your body’s stress response is actually helping you perform at your best. In this way, stress becomes a tool to elevate your performance rather than a barrier to success.
This doesn’t mean stress is always easy to handle—it’s important to acknowledge that stress can be overwhelming and exhausting at times. But the key is in our response to it. Instead of trying to eliminate stress or avoid it, we can choose to see it as a source of energy that propels us forward. When we acknowledge that stress is part of being human and that it can actually serve us, we begin to harness its power for positive change.
The Heart of the Message: Stress as a Motivator
At the core of McGonigal’s talk is a simple but profound message: stress is not inherently harmful, but rather an invitation to grow, connect, and rise to life’s challenges. She offers us a new perspective that allows us to reframe how we experience stress. Instead of fearing it or avoiding it, we can learn to embrace it, recognizing that it’s a signal that we are engaged in life and taking on something meaningful.
As McGonigal encourages us to consider, when we perceive stress as helpful—rather than harmful—it can have a profound effect on our well-being. Embracing stress allows us to face challenges with courage, build resilience in the face of adversity, and foster deeper connections with the people around us.
Making Stress Your Friend: How to Apply This in Your Life
So, how can we begin to make stress our friend? It starts with shifting our perspective. The next time you feel stressed, try pausing for a moment and acknowledging that your body is responding to something important. Ask yourself: What is this stress trying to tell me? What am I caring about right now?
Instead of focusing on how bad stress feels, focus on the energy and drive it gives you to take action, solve problems, and connect with others. When you feel stressed, lean into the experience. Try reaching out to someone for support, take a few deep breaths, or use that stress to help you perform your best.
By embracing stress rather than resisting it, you can transform your relationship with it. Stress becomes not something to fear, but something to welcome as a natural and powerful part of life. In doing so, you unlock a new way of living—one where you face challenges with courage, build stronger connections, and grow through every experience.
Final Thoughts
Kelly McGonigal’s TED talk offers a liberating perspective on stress. Rather than viewing it as an adversary, we can embrace stress as an ally—an opportunity to grow, to connect, and to rise to the challenges life throws our way. Stress is not the enemy; it’s a powerful force for good when we learn how to make it our friend. So, the next time you feel stressed, remember: it’s not something to fear, but something to welcome as part of your journey toward a more resilient, connected, and meaningful life.
Disclaimer: The content contained in this post is for informational/educational purposes only. It is not intended to be a substitute for professional advice, consultation, diagnosis, or treatment. Please seek the advice of your qualified mental healthcare provider in your area with any personal questions you may have.
Aspen Psychology Group is accepting clients at this time, Alberta residents can book an appointment here. Also, PsychologyToday.com is a great resource for finding a mental health professional in your area.